Next week my husband and I celebrate 20 years of marriage. Twenty years feels like a lifetime and then you have people like our own Phil Guistwite (and his wife Jeannie) who just celebrated 51 years of marriage! I pray that my husband and I are fortunate enough to even come close to that.
I’ve almost had One80 as long as I’ve been married. This coming year One80 turns 17. Seventeen years feels almost like a lifetime as well.
A lot has happened in 17 and 20 years. I mainly think about how much my marriage has changed. When I branded One80 with the tagline “Turning Lives Around” in 2007, I didn’t realize that One80 would also turn my marriage around. You see, like many newly married couples early married life was tough. Some days so tough that we both questioned whether we should quit. But when our marriage was really tested in 2011 and my husband lost his job, that’s when I started grinding. One80 started flourishing and a shift happened in our relationship. I think my husband started seeing me in a different light. He found a new respect and love for me. Sure I was the same “girl” he married, but I grew into a business woman. As an entrepreneur at heart, I had found my purpose. If you ask my husband he’ll say his respect, admiration and love for me grew even more. In turn my respect and admiration and love for him grew likewise.
In 2021 after working for 10years in residential building, my husband joined my effort at One80 as external operations manager. Together he’s helped me open 3 more offices. Over the weekend as we were working 10-12 hour days setting up our newest office, I just sat back and smiled. I thought to myself, this is it. This is what true partnership looks like.
And so after 20 years of marriage, my main recommendation on how to maintain and sustain a healthy relationship is this : “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.” Maybe you’ve heard this saying before. In marriage that translates to “if you respect and love me, then that makes me want to respect and love you more. And then you feel loved and respected, which makes you show more love and respect towards me.” And this dance if you will, makes the marriage bond stronger & stronger.
The trouble with many couples these days is the human nature of selfishness gets in the way, due to feeling unloved or mistreated. And the scratch my back I’ll scratch yours strategy goes out the window. The secret to a long successful relationship is Selfless respect & love.
Admittedly, I have a feminist part, and I could easily declare I can do it ALL on my own. But to me, real empowered feminism is saying although I AM CAPABLE of doing it all on my own, with my own money, my own skills, my own intuition or strengths, instead I CHOOSE to do this all with my husband alongside me. I can pay anyone to fix my car, fix my roof, get the kids to school, make dinner, or mow the lawn. I could also do those things myself if I wanted, but do I? Heck no! I can’t even start the mower! Modern feminism is this: I can be just fine alone or on my own, but instead I CHOOSE to have my partner with me, helping me do the things I don’t like to do or am not great doing. And in turn I can help handle the things he doesn’t want to do or isn’t great doing.
Marriage is definitely a dance. But when we set aside selflessness and focus on showing love and respect to our partner, the dance flows so much smoother. I also look forward to dancing another 20, 40, or God willing… 51 years with my husband!
Be Well,
Sarah
