What is “Emotional Healing”?

First, let’s look at physical healing.

Say I have a bad fall and I scrape my knee–losing skin. First, I’d clean the scrape with water and hydrogen peroxide. Next, I’d put on an antibiotic ointment to prevent infection. Finally, I may put on a band-aid, or let the scrape form a scab, which will fall off when healing has happened. This is what physical healing can look like. But what about “emotional healing?”

The difference between the body and the soul–the mind, emotions, and will–is that we have more direct control over the soul than the body… especially as it relates to healing. Our body just does what it does to heal without us necessarily having to think about it. Of course, we aid it through first aid, nutrition, etc. That’s really it.

But for our emotions, it’s different.

Say you break up with someone, or someone breaks up with you, or you end a friendship, or someone ends a friendship with you, or you hurt someone’s feelings, or someone hurts your feelings. How do you emotionally heal from emotional hurt?

Consider this—the purpose of sadness.

Sadness, or “depression” comes from a relational disconnection. Its purpose is 1. To re-establish the connection, if possible, or 2. If it’s not possible, then mourn the loss of an old relational connection, in preparation for a new relational connection.

This is called grieving, or mourning.

As a therapist, I’ve seen that we don’t seem to know or learn how to grieve or mourn losses.

And therefore, we don’t know how to emotionally heal.

Think about this with me.

If someone hurts your feelings, what do you do? Really think about it. What do you do?

Hopefully, you tell them…very specifically. “Hey, what you said or did hurt me.”

Then, hopefully, the person says, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I won’t hurt you again.” And in whatever way they hurt you, they heal you. If they disregarded you, they give you the regard they should have given at first. If they invalidated you, they give you the validation they should have given. And you heal. The relationship heals. The emotions heal.

So “emotional healing” is when there is a restoration of an emotional connection–either a relational connection that was lost is restored, or a new relational connection is made after the relational loss that couldn’t be restored.