Are you okay RIGHT NOW?
by Olatunde Howard, MA, LMFT
Say I go into the lobby of One-Eighty. I’m going to get a couple to bring them to my office for couples therapy. When I get to the lobby, they are laughing, giggling, and chuckling. Clearly happy. Clearly happy with each other at that moment. So I bring them to my office, and they talk about an argument they had 9 days ago. They get mad at each other in my office about that argument. And they leave my office mad.
Remember, they came in happy, and they left angry.
How would that be good therapy?
When clients leave my office, they should feel better, or at least feel the same, not feel worse.
Now imagine I go to the lobby to get another couple, but this time one of them is on one side of the lobby frowning with folded arms, breathing heavily. The other is on the opposite side of the lobby, crying. That couple has a problem on that day, for that session.
The first couple is okay, right now.
The second couple is not okay, right now.
So the question I’ve come to ask my clients, whether couples or individuals is this:
Are you okay,
right now?
Because if we’re honest with each other, that’s what we want: to be okay right now–
Satisfied with life and ourselves,
not anxious or depressed,
intimately connected with someone…
right now.
The question is, how?
How can we be okay,
and stay okay,
right now?
Olatunde Howard, MA, LMFT
Olatunde is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate. He graduated with honors from Pfeiffer University in North Carolina, a COAMFTE accredited program, with a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy. He obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Music Composition with honors from Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia. Read More
HOW TO HAVE AN INTIMATE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
HOW TO HAVE AN INTIMATE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP by Olatunde Howard, MA, LMFT One of the most sought after things in life is an intimate romantic relationship. I have experienced this personally; and I continue to experience it as a consistent therapeutic goal of my...
Getting to Know Someone
Getting to Know Someone by Olatunde Howard, MA, LMFT How long does it take to “get to know someone?” Really. Before we even answer that question, what does it even mean to actually know another person? I’ve thought about this based on a recent conversation, a...
Boundaries and Connection during COVID 19
Boundaries and Connection during COVID 19 by Allison Ernest, LMFTWe are only a little over a week into restructuring our whole lives within the space of our homes and already a few things have become abundantly clear. We are likely scared, anxious, lonely,...